Four Things Don't Make Sense To me

I'm not implying that these things don't make sense. They just don't make sense to me. Maybe it's because I ain't too bright.

1. Budweiser has launched an ad campaign that gives off the appearance of a brewmaster giving us a lecture on beer in the social room of his microbrewery. He holds up a glass of Budweiser to the light and remarks on its beauty and clarity. He says something to the effect of "See how clear it is? A darker beer can hide impurities. This beer can't."

Maybe there is someone who knows more about beer than I who can set me straight. But this makes no sense to me. First of all, using his logic, Zima is the greatest alchoholic beverage ever.

Secondly, all beer, outside of Guiness, is translucent. Whatever "impurities" he's worried about could be found by holding most any beer up to the light.


Thirdly, and here is where I must plead ignorance, what impurities does he fear? And can they really be detected by holding beer up to light? Are we talking about a mouse in a beer bottle?

2. The crux of Hillary Clinton's campaign is that she is the most experienced candidate among the Democrats. Once you look past Edwards' and Obama' charisma and energy, what you see are two guys way too naive and inexperienced to run a super power.

One problem, though. While she's touting the importance of experience and downplaying eloquence and charm, Bill Clinton is often standing right next to her. Does anybody remember what Bill Clinton's strengths and weaknesses were as a candidate for President in 1992? I think they were eloquence, charm, and inexperience. It seems like a bad idea to have a living, breathing example standing right next to you, inadvertently contradicting your argument that experience matters.

3. Did anyone see Roger Clemens on 60 Minutes last night? One of the things he said was he works out three freaking times a day. So he doesn't need steroids to be in such good shape, even though he is over 40.

One problem: he's over 40. There's only one way I know of that a 40 year old body can withstand three workouts a day without breaking down. Take steroids.

Granted, I'm not a professional athelete, but I have been athletic most of my life. And now at age 36, I fall apart if I workout seven times a week, let alone 21. I think that by saying his body can withstand three workouts a day, he has basically piled more suspicion on himself that his on steroids. Oops.

4. What the hell is Ohio State doing in the national title game?

YAWN

Well, another World Series is about to pass. Over the past three years, this is what has happened....

2007 Boston beats Colorado 4-0

2006 St. Louis beats Detroit 4-1

2005 Chicago White Sox beats Houston 4-0

2004 Boston beats St. Louis 4-0

So in other words, over the past four years the World Series Winners have won a total of sixteen games, while over the past four years the World Series loser has won a total of one game.

To quote Nothing Ever Happens On Mars (from Waiting For Guffman), "Boring. Boring. Boring."

This year the World Series has been especially disappointing because the regular season was so exciting. There were a lot of great individual milestones (not just Barry Bonds' home run chase), some exciting pennant chases, and some magical teams to watch.

So the one game playoff between the Pardes and the Rockies before the playoffs series even started was probably the peak of the season. Everything since then has felt like a slow march towards the inevitable: the crowning of the Red Sox.

So I'll put a wrap on the season with two final thoughts.

1. People who dislike the Yankees with their ungodly payroll and arrogance, should have equal disdain for the Red Sox.
2. The Twins were disappointing this year, and I predict they will disappoint even more next year.

Suddenly the San Antonio Dodgers Sounds Pretty Good

The close, very close, reader of this blog will notice the right column of this page lists books I've been reading, movies in my life, and restaurants I dine at. The absurdly close reader will note that these lists have not been updated for some time and are now obsolete.

Well, they have since been updated. One post I have been meaning to write about for some time comes from Baseball In the Lone State by Tom Kayser and David King. The obsessively close reader will remember that I was reading this book when I last blogged like two months ago. And as I said before, this book was edited by my sister. So mad props to her.

This book was a fun, easy read. But you have to be huge baseball fan to like it. Being a Texas fan, or a Texas baseball fan won't cut it. You have to be a huge fan of the sport in general.

That being said, one section of the appendix has something we can all enjoy: a catalog of all the teams have played in the Texas League. Keep in mind, this league dates back to 1888, so the odds are there were a lot of teams with ridiculous names. Even so, I was impressed by the quality and quantity of absurd names.

Here are the highlights.

Ardmore Rosebuds
Cleburne Railroaders
Corsicana Oil Citys (their spelling not mine)
Houston Babies
Houston Magnolias
Longview Cannibals
Paris Parisians
Paris Eisendelfer's Homeseekers
San Antonio Missionairies
San Antonio Gentlemen
Sherman Orphans
Sherman Students
Shreveport Gassers
Temple Boll Weevils
Texarcana Casket Makers
Wichata Falls Spudders

When I was growing up, the San Antonio team was the Dodgers. We are now called the Missions (not the Missionaries, mind you). I always thought it was funny to cram the name Dodgers onto a city like San Antonio (not exactly known for its cable cars). Kind of like the Utah Jazz. But then my friend pointed out San Antonio was no funnier than the Los Angeles Dodgers since there are no cable cars in LA either. I think I told him "two wrongs don't make a right dickweed."

I'm not sure who won that debate, but it may have been me. Afterall we were in like fourth or fifth grade, so closing my arument with the dickweed zinger was prettty powerful stuff.